so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
