I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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