I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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