dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
