My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Say something about gay babies.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
