i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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