I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
