Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
