She said her name was "party"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Couch. On fire.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
