Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
