dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
