Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
