dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
