Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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