so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
