Please, let me fuck your mom
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
