Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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