remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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