Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
