are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
