You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
