When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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