I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
