the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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