That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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