I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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