does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
