If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
