apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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