Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
