I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
