I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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