U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
did you just send me my own nude
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
