Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we're making bets on your personal life
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
