We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
