I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
