Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
