hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
