Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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