we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
