look no pants
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
