Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
