Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
