Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
