U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
