I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
