i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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