And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
