I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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