im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What a dumb baby whore.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
