He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
