I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
