you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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